We Needed to Address Why the Birth Mom Felt Uncomfortable

“I love her,” Tamara shouldn’t have sounded so disheartened.

She had chosen what she felt was the perfect adoptive family for her child, and Tamara loved the potential adoptive mother. “We totally connected,” Tamara continued.  “Katrina would make a great mother, and we could always communicate. But he. . .” Tamara referred to the potential adoptive father. “He doesn’t seem . . . engaged.”

There was a long pause before she sadly continued, “I really liked her, but if I’m going to give my baby away. . . I want my baby to have a father who . . . like . . . maybe cares more.”

The adoptive father’s lack of involvement was a little surprising to us at the agency.

He had been so enthusiastic during the home study and had been beyond excited when asked if he wanted to meet Tamara.

“I just didn’t want to be invasive,” he said when questioned about his silence. “I wasn’t sure she would feel comfortable talking about birthing details with me, and I didn’t want to ask personal questions that might make her feel awkward.”

The three met again. The second meeting created a bond—not just between the birth mother and the adoptive mother—but a sweet bond between the birth mother and the adoptive father.

Birth mothers, we are speaking to you.

You have the right to question any feelings or concerns you have about the adoptive family.

If Tamara had asked us to find a different family, we would have. If Tamara had felt uncomfortable placing her baby after the first meeting, we would have honored her feelings.

Please let us know what you are feeling and how we can help you as an adoptive mother. planning to give her baby up.

Watch this short video about how to make your voice be heard.